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Single By Choice
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by
Our Correspondent
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 There
was a time when getting married was the general rule followed by
most people, while the single adults were considered to be exceptions.
But, the tables seem to be turning today with women no longer needing
husbands to support them financially and men no longer needing wives
to cook and clean.
Getting married is no longer a must-do; it has become a matter of
choice. People today have rather high standards when it comes to
marriage. And, one is less likely to 'settle' for an unsatisfying
relationship and more likely to leave a marriage that isn't working.
But - like it or not - the fact remains that in our society the
institution of marriage is held in high esteem. And, recent research
shows that getting married is not such a bad idea after all!
Importantly, the health benefits of marriage are large and shouldn't
be ignored. Apparently, single men suffer worse health effects than
chain smokers. It is revealed that, even when the effects of smoking,
drinking and other unhealthy activities were factored in, married
men had a much lower risk of death.
Arguably, the most important factor in a marriage is the 'social
support' of having a wife or husband nearby. Besides, both single
men and women tend to have a less healthy lifestyle including sleep,
diet and work habits and are more prone to loneliness and depression.
That apart, commitment and marriage is often said to go together…but
not always. Of course, there are married couples who aren't very
committed, and whose unions don't last long. And there are also
unmarried partners whose relationships last many decades, who are
as committed as the most loving married pair.
But generally speaking, single people are known to run into all
kinds of problems. The most important one being the social one -
our culture assumes that marriage is the ideal for all people, so
if you're not married, there's sometimes a sense of failure or inadequacy.
As they say, a marriage completes you!
And then, the other pertinent problem is a legal one - marital status
discrimination is still incredibly common. Since our legal system
says a family is anyone related by blood, marriage, or adoption,
often unmarried people and families are left out in the cold.
This affects unmarried people in every area where families come
into contact with the law: housing, employment, immigration, insurance,
taxes, and more. Even the word 'single' causes confusion. 'Single'
makes it sound like people are alone. In truth, unmarried people
have families, too. Many have children, partners, or friends who
are 'families of choice.' In that context, it's more viable to be
married, yet many choose to be single, though they are in relationships.
There are many reasons why people in committed relationships don't
get married. Some women don't want to be wives and would rather
be partners. Some have had horrible experiences with divorce and
don't want to risk that again. Some people would lose significant
financial benefits if they married, like senior citizens who can
lose a pension from a deceased spouse.
If one were to make a list of reasons why men and women today don't
want to enter into marriage soon, it would include some of the following:
Men can get sex without marriage; They can enjoy the benefits of
having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying; They want to avoid
divorce and its financial risks; They want to wait until they are
older to have children; They fear that marriage will require too
many changes and compromises; They are still waiting for the perfect
soul mate, and s/he hasn't appeared yet; They face few social pressures
today to marry; They are reluctant to marry a woman/man who already
has children; They want to own a house before they get a wife/husband;
They want to enjoy single life for as long as they possibly can.
And then, there's the fear of divorce and all that goes with it,
together with avoidance of commitment, fear of making a mistake
and bad previous, to name some. Besides, women today are less focused
on having children and that lessens their commitment to partnering
permanently. It's not to say that men and women today are against
marriage per se, but they are just not in a hurry to get to the
altar! The reasons for staying single are many, just like the reasons
for getting married. What's important is that it's a matter of one's
personal choice…and we must learn to respect that!
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